I promised myself that I would take some time to check in with you. Yeah, you! It’s been busy, again, just like last week, only it’s colder weather-wise.
Before we even get started, I wanted to share some news happening over at Real Housekeeping. They are an affiliate seller for the Ultimate DIY Bundle where 76 eBooks and eCourses (and some fun bonuses) are available until January 26th. Why is this great? Fifty percent of Real Housekeeping’s net income (from the sale of this bundle or anything via their affiliate links) is donated to worthy charities assisting the hungry and the homeless. While I can’t add the link here, I can humbly implore you to visit the site and if you feel so inclined to learn to sew, take great pictures, learn how to write, finally get your garden going or scrapbook, that you make the purchase there, knowing that some of your money will go to those less fortunate.
*PSA announcement has ended*
I’ve been going to physical therapy (supposed to be twice a week, but I like I told the physical therapist, “let’s not get crazy”) and we’ve been doing these exercises to help with the neck spasms I’ve been experiencing since November. Surprisingly, these spasms are residual side effects from a car accident, and a falling-down-the-stairs-as-I-was-walking-the-dog-we-no-longer-have incident. Both happened within 6 months of each other 2 years ago, and left me with two concussions. I really know how to do it, huh?
The exercises are supposed to balance me. I lean toward the left when I stand, my left eye rolls out when I focus on an object as it comes towards me (the eyes should both move inward) and when my eyes are closed? Fugghetaboutit, I look like I’m trying to balance in a bouncy house. I’m all over the place. This causes migraines, dizziness and bouts of trying to get my sentences together and having difficulty finding the words. Kind of important for writing, don’tcha think?
At my last appointment, I had to look at myself in a full length mirror (hello fluorescent lighting and when is my home gym going to get here), and really look at how I was standing. I looked like the leaning tower of Pisa. I was leaning to the left, and that felt like center to me. Forget that when I wake up in the morning, the left side of my lower back and hip hurt from the extra strain, I always favored the left side.
She asked me to shift my weight and align myself as she repeated softly “Find your center”. The more she kept saying it, the less I was conscious in that space. My subconscious popped it’s curly head up as if my physical therapist was taking roll call. When I finally got to what center looked like in the mirror, it was hard to keep that weight shifted correctly, especially when she asked me to try to hold it with my eyes closed. I couldn’t. I had to hold on to something. My thigh muscles trembled underneath the new weight. I couldn’t trust that I could stay centered without visual cues. My muscles are conditioned to lean on the left, even when I’m in the car, I noticed that my upper body leans toward the left and when I shift to center, I soon find it uncomfortable and go back to the usual left, crouched position as I drive.
It’s kind of what a lot of things are like, isn’t it? Whether we are so busy a pocket of rest is unnerving and we have to fill it even though we know the balance is good for us; or if we are spending some time to pray in the chapel and the silence is too silent, we get uncomfortable, and pull out something to read, just me? It’s become hard for us, for me, to find and rest with balance, with being centered. As I continued to do the exercises, my mind wandered to God. Of course! I immediately asked myself questions, am I leaning away from God or toward him? And if I’m leaning away, what am I afraid of? Am I afraid of balance in my prayer life and everything else, because then what am I “working on”? I always feel like I can do better, pray more sincerely, be more aware of those in need. In Confessions, St. Augustine says (emphasis is mine):
And maybe it’s just that I will always be this way, until I find rest in Him.
Check your balance. Find your center. Are you at rest there, or are you like me and feel a bit uncomfortable there?
Let me know.
Here’s a sweet pin for ya