I go back and forth with this. Am I an introvert, an extrovert, or maybe just a social introvert? I think I lean more towards introversion because, people. Here are some reasons why I think I’ve finally settled on my inclinations.
I get irrationally angry at any and all notifications of voice mail. It’s a struggle. Not clearing out notifications on my personal phone, or getting that red light to stop blinking in my face at the office is outweighed in anxiety only by knowing that I have to listen to said voice mail. I have to punch in numbers, more than once, because how many passwords, pins and codes can one person remember and listen to. I finally get the right combination of shoe size, anniversary and blood type only to hear this…
People don’t even leave voice mail! All that for a click, or worse?
“Hi Cristina, can you call me back? Thanks!”
“I just got your voice mail, text me” Over text of course.
I work in a corporate office. This means I have to make small talk every.single.day. Do you know what that’s like? If you ever see me walking down the hall in the office, I am usually looking at the wall, because I lean my head toward it to avoid eye contact, or I’m looking down. This is one of those conversations that’s just awkward when it happens:
Hey, how are you? keeps walking
How am I supposed to answer that? Not like they’re sticking around to really hear my answer. What if I wanted to burst into tears, or song? They would never know because they’re long gone. I end up responding to the wind they’ve kicked up as they high tail it to their next meeting. That’s fine with me, I didn’t really want to talk, so no need to ask me anything.
I eat lunch at my desk. Unless I have lunch plans with two specific people, or my husband, it’s me and the desk. My desk doesn’t ask me a question that requires I choke down food to answer, flinging bits of sandwich in the air or hold my hand up to my face in an attempt to pretend like I have table manners.
When in the lobby at the doctor’s office, I take a book with me and keep it high. This way, I’m not tempted to do the “knee-jerk” look at people passing by. I will inevitably have to make eye contact, smile, and then, make small talk. I don’t want to be asked why I’m there, if I’ve been with the practice long and what I think of the wait times. I sign a HIPAA form. I know my rights.
We plan events on the calendar with other families, and friends. People I know, ok? And on the day, I am groaning, moaning and complaining that we have to go somewhere, that I have to get dressed (my husband insists I wear something other than my swanky 5-year old velour Old Navy pants) and said outing requires makeup. Ok, maybe that’s just me being lazy. Nah, I just have to slap a grin on and make, you guessed it, small talk. Why God? WHY?!
I am so excited that we have no where to be this weekend, except mass. When I feel like being SUPER indulgent, we go to Sunday mass instead of the Saturday vigil mass. This means, I can be inside all day, texting to my hearts content with Tiffany and S, and playing Words with Friends with my friend Cathie.
Tweets like this:
Yes. I saw you, I just didn’t want to talk. #intovertproblems
— Cristina (@fillpraycloset) September 24, 2014
So I think that seals it, introvert. Why am I this way? Maybe it was growing up in NYC that did it – a place where a look wasn’t just a look, it was a threat, a request or even a whole conversation (as in, too adult for my pre-teen eyes). You learned to admire the subway tile or get excited at new ads placed along the tunnel walls. You were definitely protective and defensive. I’m that way now when I go to places I’m unfamiliar with. I get my “subway face” on where you see everything, but are aware of no one.
I’m a long way from there, but some habits die hard.
For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!