I know I am not the only one who has seen more snow than they care to ever see again. We’ve had so much snow that there is a salt shortage in municipalities where the winter has shared its worst – PA, included.
I went to confession Saturday night before vigil mass, partly to fulfill the obligations of my consecration to Jesus through Mary (today!), partly because whenever my son Lexicon goes, I go with him – I wouldn’t feel right if he was waiting to confess his sins and I didn’t think to go myself. I always try to get to my Magnificat and go over the mass readings prior – at the very least I will read the gospel reading.
Jesus said to his disciples:
“You are the salt of the earth.
But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned?
It is no longer good for anything
but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
You are the light of the world.
A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden.
Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket;
it is set on a lampstand,
where it gives light to all in the house.
Just so, your light must shine before others,
that they may see your good deeds
and glorify your heavenly Father.”
As I sat in the confessional, I told Father Joe that I have been thinking about the salt shortage brought about by the harsh winter and tonight’s reading – how I feel like I am in the midst of a spiritual winter, and I am low on spiritual salt. I’ve tried to write about it and just end up backspacing through the whole post – because we are called to be the salt of the earth, right? We are supposed to be marbled, riddled and ribboned with joy!
I went on to explain that I won’t and haven’t stopped praying the rosary, the daily office or the daily examen along with my regular “chats”. Even if I don’t feel particularly invigorated and inspired to pray – half the spiritual battle, I think, is showing up. There is much fruit to be born of this. I may not see that now, but if I could see all that He had planned for me, I think my head would explode. So being in the dark, well, that’s ok with me. He very much agreed.
Father Joe asked me if I’d read Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross. I told him, it was on my list (yes, I use that phrase in real life too) and it is. He also suggested that I call upon things and people that being me joy. Here he mentioned my husband and my boys. I do call on them. I love them up and give more kisses than can be contained in a candy store.
Fast forward to last night during RCIA. A pilgrim mentioned feeling as if going to mass was becoming routine, and how they didn’t want it to be that way, they wanted it to be special, always.
***Holy Spirit in the room***
I immediately and simultaneously almost jumped out of my seat saying, this relationship – won’t always be vacations at Sandals in Hawaii and Godiva chocolate with flowers. It’s a real marriage, a unification – for better or worse. You’re not always going to be “in puppy love” but you love, and that means you love when you feel like it, and when you really don’t. But you show up. You show up and you fall in love with different parts of the person, or the church, and it deepens and widens your overall love of your faith.
With that, today I re-consecrate myself to Jesus through Mary on this feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes. I can’t make it to mass today – totally honest sharing here – but I will stop by Mary’s Grotto outside of my church on my way home and say my consecration prayer. She loves me, and He loves me and they know for sure, I love them right back, no matter what.