This comes from Day 15 of my consecration journey. I know it’s a bit anachronistic, seeing as I posted Day 17 just a few days ago (on 1/23/2014 to be exact).
And this may be a little bit of a shock because it’s not happy or joy-filled. What it is, is honest and forthcoming and, it was waiting. You see, I wrote this in my journal days ago and wasn’t going to share it, because, sometimes, I like to hold on to these. Then this morning as I was trying not to burn myself with the curling iron *again*, I hear this from today’s Morning Prayer:
Job 1:21; 2:10b
Naked I came forth from my mother’s womb,
and naked I shall go back again.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord!
We accept good things from God;
and should we not accept evil?
Here is the entry from my journal:
Do not let yourselves be dispirited by those who are disillusioned with life and have grown deaf to the deepest and most authentic desires of their heart. (John Paul II, World Youth Day 2012)
Someone said to me the other day, in the course of a conversation about something completely unrelated that I “feel a deep need to be important and critical in the lives of others, when in fact, I am not”. Hmph, tell that to my kids! No, let’s not knee jerk this one, dear friends. Let’s just let that sit for a moment. We won’t focus on the context of the conversation, where the conversation took place, or any of those extraneous details (unless you’d like to know – just ask).
How many people say things that are hurtful, because they hurt, or they feel threatened, or don’t know love themselves? Or are disillusioned, distracted an otherwise disengaged for whatever reason? Angry, disenchanted, scarred or jaded? In the readings for my consecration I was asked to stop and think of Mary to call upon her on this particular day. In this particular exchange and quite without any deliberate shift on my part, I just smiled in response.
My initial, internal reaction was to be hurt and upset. But Mary said, wait a minute. Let’s think about this for a second. What else was said?
- This person is reading Dante’s Inferno…nice, on my list too! Wait, that’s The Inferno by Robert Langdon.
- This person is NOT here to populate the earth with more children
- This person indicated that they are very self aware and knows how to to course correct in the moment.
- And *hold your breath* NFP does NOT work
- This person identifies with the Catholic Church
Now I am not here to discuss whether or not they are this type of Catholic or that type of Catholic. Nor am I looking for a bash session here. Truly. My point here is that I was able to ask for Mary’s hand in this and see that the statement this person made about me, to me, has to be baseless, based on these few other things said to me both prior and the comment regarding my importance, as they see it. The point is, that I am *trying* to come from a place where charity prevails and this person, from a perceived self awareness. What happened to being God-aware? Holy-Spirit aware?
After reflecting on this, I thanked Mary and God for contextualizing this person for me so rapidly (not usually the case) so that I might see this rightly and without the glasses of self doubt a.k.a. the evil one! I would rather see as Mary sees. I would rather pray that this person does too.
What is your experience? Do you fluster? Do you immediately turn to self doubt when someone hurtles negativity your way, or are you an expert as seeing as others as Jesus and Mary see us?
And as I review this post, I glanced over at one of my favorite printables of Sirach. Where do my eyes land?
Keep words to yourself and be very watchful, for you are walking about with your own downfall.