I didn’t think I had much to share with you today. I was feeling a little out of it. Tired mostly. I went to morning mass and it was beautiful. I just love mass without music sometimes. It forces people to be a little louder and more intentional in their responses because they don’t have an organ holding them up.
I wasn’t planning on going to mass either. I dropped the boys off at school and found myself in the church parking lot. I thought, that’s funny. I’ll just go in to pray a bit. I met with a woman I knew and she asked me if I was staying for mass. I am now, I thought. I didn’t look ready for mass (sorry, God). I just wasn’t planning to go. I didn’t have my Magnificat, my rosary, my (gasp) veil, no makeup, hair in a bun, sneakers!!! SNEAKERS! But, I was there and I knew He wouldn’t say no to me. He called me there, the Morning Mommy – to His table. I listened to the readings with my eyes closed. It was easy for me to be lulled into a truly meditative state. I lingered a little longer as I kneeled, I was very intentional when I did the Sign of the Cross.
I am also just a bit of a germophobe. I’ve tried to get over it. Really, but I force myself over the Holy Spirit promptings and jet back to my seat after taking the Body, refusing the Blood because I am a bit of a – don’t judge me – germophobe. As I went up to receive Communion, I walked over to the wine! I never drink the wine. It was different. Today, Monsignor said something…as my eyes were closed prior to going up to receive. Maybe he’d always said it and I just never heard it, but this was louder to me than anything else:
May we become what we consume…
I wanted that. I wanted to not just consume the Body and Blood, I wanted to BE the Body and Blood. I want to get as close to Him as possible. I want to lean my head into his chest and sob. I want Him to put his arms around me and tell me He knew I’d come to Him – as me, Morning Mommy . With that, I reverently, slowly and without any fear at all, walked over to the wine and drank, deeply. It seemed such a silly thing instantly to be so consumed with my fear. But as I drank, my fear emptied out, and in it’s place a serene sense of peace, love and deep intimacy replaced it. I cried as I walked back to my seat.
I was going to post here about my pots and pans. It was going to be very tongue in cheek, funny, insightful, all of that. I even took pictures of them for you. You know what they say…you want to make God laugh? Make plans.
My next little fear – taking Communion on the tongue. He’ll let me know when I’m ready.