You are my lamp, O Lord

Saint Louis, Missouri, United States
Saint Louis, Missouri, United States (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2 Samuel 22:29
Indeed, you are my lamp, O Lord, the Lord lightens my darkness.

There’s something to writing for me. It’s unburdening. These sins, fears, worries and anxieties we carry are not what God intended us to carry. We were intended to be carriers of light. When I contemplate that, I think of the many, many meanings of light: brightness, a beacon, weightlessness, an illumined way of being, goodness, the ability to see and to know, purity. In this short exercise of what light means to me, I realized that I often dream of light. Light so bright that I can’t see anything else but that light. I don’t mean to say that it is the light of heaven, but perhaps it was God’s way of letting me know that he was there.

For example, I often dream of my elementary school. I loved it there. It was truly an oasis in the middle of the swamp in every sense. To get to school in Brooklyn, I walked with my 2 younger brothers. We walked past the dog matter on the pavement, walked past abandoned brownstones and crossed the streets littered with little plastic vials topped with pastel colored caps (otherwise known as crack vials). We would walk past factories guarded by “ladies of the night” waiting for their next date and finally towards the black painted chain link fence of the school yard that would keep in the good, and keep out everything else.

I recall the front of the building with it’s grey slate steps, the brick exterior with white painted trim. It was there that I learned to write. It was there that teachers would share with me their faith, tradition, love, music, art and to tap into my creativity by sharing with me, theirs. I remember every teacher’s name and demeanor, every room, every performance and every annual project.

Just recently I dreamt of this place. I dreamt of walking up the same slate stairs and opening the heavy metal doors to the small corridor just before the main office and it was filled with light. This small room was filled with so much light that I couldn’t see my hand held up in front of my eyes. I tried to blink back the tears from the blindness I was experiencing and even with my eyes closed, I saw light. I wonder if that was God then. I wonder if I was blessed especially by Him even then. Looking back I wonder if I wasn’t lovingly placed by His hands into that school of learning, in the early years of my life. That place where I felt the most stable, the most loved, the most free and the most pure.

Indeed, you are my lamp, O Lord, the Lord lightens my darkness.
2 Samuel 22:29

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6 thoughts on “You are my lamp, O Lord

  1. School memories are very evocative for me as well. Especially if they are associated in my mind with a particular sound or smell. Even if they are not particularly happy memories, there is so much nostalgia mixed in there for me. Is this part of the aging process? 🙂 But I’m glad that your school brought you comfort and security when other factors weren’t so comforting. Hugs. 🙂

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    1. I’ve been thinking about school – early school lately. I don’t know why either. I wake up in the middle of the night and lately it’s been a recounting of memories I hadn’t thought of in years. What the walls looked like, the stairwells, the library! Oh the library! Mrs. Burton! She was so elegant with angora sweaters, pencil skirts and nude d’orsay pumps. Hair perfectly coiffed – and she was SO incredibly smart. I really looked up to her. She really nurtured my love of books and reading. See? This is what happens. One small detail leads to another and then I remember. Crazy stuff lady!
      xoxo

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  2. This is a beautiful recounting of your early memories at school. The light of love!!! of God!!! How blessed to be given these dreams of light! It is amazing what one teacher can effect and nurture and bring to life. Thank you for sharing your story….

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