I was reading around today, like I do. Reading, for me, is like prayer. Especially since most of my reading is about Catholic spirituality, theology, apologetics and the occasional craft to share with the kiddos thrown in for fun. I recently shared my Kindle app with my friend, Karen and she shared her book list with me. A slice of heaven for us.
I came across a piece titled “Cross Connection” by Nancy Ward that I absolutely connected with immediately and was inspired to share with you. As I read, I was transported to a time when I was alone often. In my past life (I say that jokingly to refer to me pre-Catholic) I was filling up any extra time with clubs, hobbies, higher education, anything I could find to keep silence at a minimum. This, after working a 14 hour day. I came home one evening to pick up the boys from their babysitter when my youngest was crying. He didn’t want to leave the babysitter. He didn’t want to come home. He didn’t want…me.
What a wake up call. My husband and I immediately began working towards my becoming a stay at home mother, while he would take on supporting the family. I couldn’t completely let go of that hectic pace and continued my studies towards a master’s degree. We moved to a place where we knew no one, and the weather was getting colder. I spent a lot of time alone with my youngest, as my older son was in school during the day. I was writing papers, reading textbooks and waiting for my husband to come home. He still commuted 2 hours to his office or was in a different part of the country for weeks at a time. I can recall times of real loneliness, even with my children sitting right next to me on the couch. At some point, in all of the stillness, I heard something. I couldn’t really discern what it was at the time. I didn’t know and it was so subtle I couldn’t really explain it, only that it was comforting, I became less lonely, stronger and more confident in my new home. It’s hard to describe. I was being lead in a new direction – where silence and solitude was ok. Looking back now, as I read this piece by Nancy, I realized it what the beginning of my conscious “yes” to God. I didn’t have any friends in this new place we moved to, but I found a new one, and He’s been my secret BFF this whole time. As the snow melted and the sun was shining again, so was I.